Tim Was THERE - Loch Ness Monster

In the most famous photograph of absolute bullshit ever taken, Tim is seen standing (or is that wading?) beside the apparent "Loch Ness Monster", in "Loch Ness", which is in "Lockland" (I think)

Now while only complete morons with only one brain cell would be thinking the mystery lies with the monster itself (because its so obviously fake and any search for the creature over the last 70 years has come up with nothing even with the most sophisticated scanning equipment available and anyone still believing in this myth is a dumbass and the only remaining perpetrators of the myth are firstly the residents of Loch Ness so they can continue charging stupid tourists for T-Shirts and hats and build an entire economy around a fake photo and secondly monster hunters getting paid to find the monster and eking out a living by trying as little as possible to find it so they can continue earning out of it, the bastards) the REAL mystery lies with what was Tim doing there.

Some say he was the man behind the hoax, having built a fake dinosaur like creature out of Photoshop (a feat of epic proportions, even nowadays, never mind in 1934). But others believe Tim was trying to molest the creature. Tim is quoted as saying "Yeah well even if it is fake with zero personality, rubbery skin and just floats about a lot, it reminds me so much of Mark". (who this "Mark" IS has yet to be revealed)

It is a shame the real living Tim was erased from history and the obviously fake giant piece of monkey crap spawned a merchandising empire. If history had been different people would flock to Loch Ness and instead be buying orange wigs and sleveless internet humour t-shirts to show off their physique.

Tim Was THERE - Tiananman Square

Just by looking at Tim you wouldn't think that he alone is responsible for the lives we lead today, but believe that he is. For you see, every significant event in history that you can name was influenced in some way by that crazy mo'fo.

Starting today I'm going to show you what Tim has done throughout history, so we can all celebrate and thank him, and if you happen to see a historical image that somehow looks different from what I'm showing you, then I'm afraid you have been lied to, because TIM WAS THERE.

Example One, during the protests in Tiananmen Square in 1989, the Chinese military were sent in to remove the protesters, and by remove they meant "crush like a pancake". But one man stood in front of several tanks and stopped their advance.

That man was Tim

It was unknown at the time of course that it WAS Tim, so he was erroneously referred to as "Tank man", but now he is known as "Tim Man, stopper of fucking tanks like a pro". Tim however had no intention of stopping any tanks and was just there to get some food after his Father had sent him to fetch some Chinese take-away. Of course Tim being Tim he went all the way to China for it.

However some have claimed Tim was not there due to the fact that Tim was born in 1988, only a year before the incident. But these arguments are dismissed on the basis that, it's TIM were talking about here, he can probably time travel, you don't know!

In honour of Tim's bravery every year thousands of people throw themselves in front of tanks on "Tank Day" However they are all killed because only Tim is awesome enough to have pulled this off.